Breaking Free

" I want to break free......I want to break free....God knows I want to break free...."
-cheesy song from the 80's but hey, it gets my point across

"And I'm free....free falling..."
-one of the songs from Jerry Maguire

exactly one week from dealing with the inconsiderate buffoon, i can finally say i have broken free. it was a vicious cyle that needed to end and will not go away by simply ignoring it so i decided to face it like a woman.

to my close friends who have known the vicious cycle i got into, they'll ask how is this one different from the other times i broke free. there's a BIG difference - i no longer love the guy. did i tell him that? YES. how did he take it? not too well. do i feel guilty? OF COURSE NOT. he passed up toooooo many chances. being who he is (inconsiderate jerk) he even tried to turn it around by saying im doing this because i found a replacement guy. i just couldnt help but roll my eyes and scream at him.

when i was talking with jem, she told me that maybe i was picking out the wrong guys and now i totally agree with her. i tend to think that all men are the same. but then again i've only been with three guys which ended up in three bad relationships. should i know the difference? YES. coz with age should come wisdom....wisdom that helps you make good decisions.

Breathe by Blu Cantrell - My Song for the Moment

You say you love,
say you love me
But you’re never there for me, yeah, mmm...hmm...
You’ll be cryin’, slowly dyin’
When I decide to leave, oh, oh
All we do is make up
Then break up
Why don’t we wake up
And see
When love hurts
It won’t work
Maybe we need some time alone
We need to let it breathe
Breathe
Breathe
Breathe
You’re only lonely when your homey
Ain’t got a ride or no loot, yeah, uh-huh
Then comes the dramaS
ome other girl is claimin’ she’s goin’ out with you,hmm...hmm...

All we do is make up
Then break up
Why don’t we wake up
And see
When love hurts
It won’t work
Maybe we need some time alone
We need to let it breathe
Breathe
Breathe
Breathe
Breathe (Uh...huh...)
Breathe
Summer, spring, winter and fall
I realize love don’t love me anymore
I’m still walkin’ out that door
Waitin’ for a cure
I wish that you could love me more
And give me what I’m lookin’ for
You used to be the one I adore
But now it seems I’m just not sure
Maybe we need some time alone
So we can just breathe

Fallen Angel Still Angry with the Inconsiderate Buffoon

day two and im still making it a point not to talk to my inconsiderate guy (funny how i still consider him MY guy given that he annoys me so much and makes me mad until i reach my breaking point). he was calling our house but i havent answered his calls. i know its him coz he calls up and lets the phone ring once or twice. bahala siya noh...manigas siya. magsasayang lang naman ako ng laway ko and energy if i talk to him.....i know he'll just listen in one ear and it'll go out the other.

i was talking to jem yesterday and being who she was (a woman who have literally been a step ahead of us eversince highschool), she actually knew the right thing to say and knows what's going on my mind. i mean, lahat ng thoughts that i keep to myself, she was able to verbalize w/o me telling her about it. syempre natural lang na napagalitan din niya ako. i actually agree with her that i already know what type of situation im into, i know what i can do about it but im not doing anything.

my plan? IGNORE THE F*CK OUT OF HIM....maybe he'll catch my drift......he better...... i dont want to waste my time talking to him anymore. i've already tried this tactic for 4 years now and nothing has changed.......

P*****INA KA! INCONSIDERATE BUFFOON!

i was soooo looking forward to a good week but a guy ruined it for me.

SCENARIO: he called me up saying he wanted to drop by at our house telling me he wanted to see me...syempre natuwa naman ang lola mo kasi lately, mas madalang pa sa patak ng ulan ang dalaw niya. he arrives at the house and i ask him to buy lunch for the two of us. he goes out and comes back after an hour. i gave more than enough money to buy lunch for two and so i asked for my change, only because payday is still far away and im saving what's left of my money. after much hesitation he gives me my change. i ask why only a hundred was left from the five hundred i gave him. his answer - "nagpa-backlight kasi ako ng phone eh."

naknampucha! ayos ka din pare! he still went ahead and did what he wanted after i already told him i dont have money anymore and im basically dying for payday to arrive! sa sobrang inis ko di na ko nagsalita. i just told him i wanted to sleep just so he'll leave...he did leave. buti naman at di pa pala ganun kakapal ang mukha mo noh! i mean it's just money and im not the type of person to have issues or arguments about money. ang sakin lang konting konsiderasyon naman. potah di ko alam kung di niya naintindihan ung sinabi ko or di lang nag-sink in sa kanya or talagang wala siyang pakialam. di naman ako nagsasabi na bayaran niya kaso nakakaasar lang and it really gets my goat that a person lacks sooo much consideration. after he left gusto ko maiyak sa sobrang inis!!!! i sooo wanted to scream at him without giving a damn what the hell comes out of my mouth.

p*tanina talaga! i guess it's time for me to watch the movie "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days".

Raves of a Soul

i really couldnt take my old hair style anymore so i had it cut last wednesday. i like my new hair now actually. i feel light (headed?!!? harharharhar) and i actually feel like a great load was taken off of my shoulders (kala mo naman sobrang haba ng buhok ko dati). i'd like to believe my new hair made me look less haggard and *ehem* made me look a lot charming (ayan jem ha baka kasi violent reaction ka kapag sinabi ko na maganda ko kaya sabi ko charming na lang). Sa mga friends ko sige na pumayag na kayo na charming ako kasi im a button-nosed chubby girl.....charming would be a very suitable description for me duh bah? LOL.

im trying to be more patient with my guy and not act irritated all the time (eh puyat ako lagi sa trabaho ko eh...u cant blame me if i get a little bitchy sometimes). i noticed that he reciprocates whatever attitude i project towards him so therefore i'll be nicer para he'll be nicer din hehehehe......win win situation *wink*

also, i noticed that im becoming this cranky person that i dont know. i wasnt like this when i was in highschool AND college. i had my own share of stress back then but i was a cheerful person...smily even! i was perkier than a cheerleader (ok that didnt sound right........but seriously poch described me as 'perky'). maybe because work burns you out like no other sucker can......maybe coz you are strapped to your work and you cant go around skipping schedules like you skipped classes in school.....or maybe its being on the graveyard shift for eternity that's making me this way. whatever the reason is, i know i have to find a way to keep the better me and ditch the cranky one. i have enough time and excuse to be cranky during my Mars month.

Jem, one of my bestfriends and kumare, kasama sa kakulitan at harutan (back in highschool) has been bitten by the blog bug. kaya it makes me happy din kasi we have a new way of communicating with each other. chikahan modernized alalaumbaga......nasa Sunny San Diego ang bruhilda na itoh and i barely catch her online kaya im happy she's finding the blogging world as interesting as i do hehehehe......(JEM! accept mo na invite ko para ma-add kita sa site ko okish?)